Hopefully helpful and inspirational is a book by Alzheimer's advocate Jo Huey from 2008 entitled "Alzheimer's Disease Help and Hope." In this book, caregivers will find a well known list of helpful tips for caregivers who care for those living with dementia. Sharing the Ten Absolutes here along with a link to the book above which can be found on Amazon, at your library, or in other bookstores. Great tips worth sharing.

Ten Absolutes of Alzheimer's Care

1. Never argue – instead, agree
2. Never reason – instead, divert
3. Never shame – instead, distract
4. Never lecture – instead, reassure
5. Never say “remember” – instead reminisce
6. Never say “I told you” – instead, repeat/regroup 
7. Never say “you can’t” – instead, do what they can
8. Never command/demand – instead, ask/model
9. Never condescend – instead, encourage
10. Never force – instead, reinforce

Source: Jo Huey, founder of the Alzheimer’s Caregiver Institute.

My wife and I recently watched the movie, The Notebook. It is a very moving account of one person’s perspective of what it is like to live with and take care of someone with dementia.

(Spoiler alert!)

It is set in a nursing home and tells the story of a woman with Alzheimer’s disease who kept a journal/diary, a “notebook”, chronicling her life growing up in the 1940’s. The man Allie married, Noah, reads it to her in the hope that her memory of their life together will return. (It is not immediately apparent, at least not to me, that he is her husband and that the story he reads to her is about them.)

While the doctors there give him no cause for optimism, he continues reading to her; and indeed she will occasionally “return” for a short time – even playing songs on the piano from memory!  There is a scene where family members visit but she doesn’t recognize them.   Quite heart wrenching!

It raises some hard questions: Will my spouse eventually forget who I am or vice versa?

Why do some people get dementia and others don’t? 

Lastly, this is a movie about life choices. We find out that Allie, unlike her mother, chooses love and passion over money and security.

What does this all have to do with home care?

The story brings out just how hard it is to watch someone decline and try your best to care for them.  Noah did that job, 36 hours a day, until they die in their sleep together in each other’s arms.

In the end, at the final exam of life (if there is one) there is only one question: “How much have you loved?”  Allie and Noah passed with flying colors!!

Thought provoking and emotionally charged, this is a movie for the ages!

Please comment and let me know what topics are of interest.
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Thanks,
Chris